When peeing on an IRS auditor pays off
Here’s a great one joke I found circulating:
87 year old Grandpa is summoned to the IRS office for an audit.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his tax adviser.
The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure that I find that believable.’ I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’ The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’ Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’ The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’ Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dolars that I can bite my other eye.’ Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s tax adviser as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’ The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again after checking a couple of details about the bet. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s tax adviser moans and puts his head in his hands. ‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks. ‘Not really,’ says the tax adviser. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’
MORAL? Don’t Mess with Old People!!
If you found this article useful, please do not keep this a secret. Share it with a friend.
Copyright 2014 by Steven A Feinberg (@CPAsteve) of Appletree Business Services LLC, a PASBA member accountant, located in Londonderry, New Hampshire, with more than twenty- five years experience on Federal and New Hampshire issues affecting small business, and specializes in keeping his clients OnTrack with bookkeeping, tax, and payroll services for a fixed monthly fee. Learn more about Steve's exclusive SIX Step system developed for small businesses at www.appletreebusiness.com/map.